"And there they are,
Calling me forward, just as before,
Sending me signs from the divide.
Which path shall I choose this time?
Who can I help along the way?
I think you sometimes find it funny,
the symbols and way you send your messages.
Leaving me stargazing and confused.
Lighted voices from beyond the veil,
What secrets have you come to tell?"
So, I have a partner in a swap that is working on gaining stronger connections to her spirit guides. And in researching some things for her, it's got me thinking about mine. I don't really contact them much unless it's through tarot. I use to use spirit boards, but some how using a Ouija seems to cheapen the experience lol. I know that's not true, but it just feels like I'm 12 again. I should probably invest in making my own. That would probably make me feel a little better about it. My grandparents who are spiritualists warn me quite often about it, saying it can open gateways and invite in unwanted visitors. I know that using any method of divination to communicate with the spirit can get me a direct line to someone I don't know who may just be wandering by. That's the chance you take. And I've had some experiences in my past with contacting spirits and they contacting me, so I've kinda came to the conclusion that if someone really wants to get a hold of me then they are going to do it anyways. I haven't had any crazy experiences since we moved houses back in the 11th grade (that other house was EVIL I tell ya! ok, maybe not evil but it definitely was not ok for me to be living in). I decided a long time ago that I wanted to be "normal." So I kind of just shut things off. Ok, so it's not as easy as it sounds, and it's not completely true. Things are completely shut off per se. Let's put it this way, I used to be able to see and hear things when I was younger, probably up until middle school age, or around there some where. But I didn't have anyone around me at the time to help me understand this and see it for something other than not "normal" and not supposed to be happening. So, I tried hard as hell to ignore everything and to just shut it off. But it's not a light switch, you can't just do it at will. I think instead of shutting things off, over the years I have gotten used to ignoring things and just pretending that their not there. Once I hit high school and I was able to really research and dive into things the way I wanted without parental permission or cast eyes. I started to really learn about what was happening and that for some people it is normal. I've tried to reconnect with that part of myself again, to strengthen it, but I'm starting to feel it could be a little too late. And maybe I'm still terrified to let it in. I've felt a stronger connection to my guides the past two years than ever before. Whether through dream work or just little things that have happened. I feel like they are here trying to let me know that everything is going to be ok. I think they're just waiting for me to say, "Ok, I'm ready this time." And I'm not sure I can say that just yet. I want to say it, but I'm not sure if that's something I can through alone again. Granted, I am surrounded by people who understand this time and who won't cast judgement my way, but I don't know, it just feels like something that will definitely isolate you for a bit.
I've known of one spirit guide for several years now, mostly through my grandma who said she made contact with her. I just kind of accepted it and was like ok, that's cool. But over the past two years I've felt her presence for myself and have even held conversations with her through a dream recently regarding my great grandmother and the issues were facing with finding her and this other woman with almost the same name. But last month I was having a dream, and I never have nightmares anymore so maybe these dream catchers are starting to work lol, but I was in the midst of this creepy, strange dream and you know how in scary movies the person goes to answer the door knowing that the psycho is on the other side and it's just anticipation until it happens, well it was kind of like that. I was about to open a door and confront this demon/thing that was chasing after me. I was like, fuck it! I've had enough! And as I was reaching for the door it's like this silhouette was cast from behind me out of nowhere and coming from my left side I hear clear as day "Wake up, Jessica." It was in this male voice, and the only way I could relate it to anything is it was almost like my dads but different. I can't explain it at all. But I just woke up right then and sat there for a minute like WTF just happened? And it's puzzled me for the past month, I think about it often. I have no clue what to say or how to feel about it. But suddenly my partner and I are talking spirit guides and I had one of those moments where you just go *facepalm* DUH! So I'm thinking maybe he's a spirit guide of mine. Strange for me to have a dude though. Not sure how I feel about that one, lol. I'm thinking that I am going to do this research for my partner and see what lands in my lap that can help me as well. She's pretty well versed with her guides though. I'm not sure how I can help her, but I'm sure I can find something she hasn't tried that will help strengthen her connection. And maybe when this is all done I will have strengthened mine as well. It would be nice. Honestly, I have only something to gain. What do I have to lose? My sanity? Psh, I lost that ages ago! HA! So hopefully some of my future posts will track my progress and even some of the methods I'm using. I'm still thinking I need to figure out this Annie Mae Brickhouse thing. I feel like she's a key somehow. To what? Not sure, but I know it's important.
Ok, I'm off to clean some more. NO I HAVEN'T FINISHED YET!!! Jeez! Yes, it's taken me over a week and I'm still only half way done. But in all fairness to me I've been rearranging things in those rooms as well damn it. *sigh* Fine, I'm going. :P