Books Make Me Happy

Ok, well thanks to Borders and their used section not to mention my wonderful free shipping I have acquired a few new books and I have ADD now when trying to read them. I'll start reading one and then another comes in the mail and I have to start taking it a look at it. lol. It might be an addiction. So all together I've got Handfasting: A Pagan Guide to Commitment Rituals (I've always been interested in what it's all about. And have always said that when my Mr comes along that's the ceremony I'll be doing. It'd be nice to see what I'm getting myself into lol), Crone's Book of Charms and Spells (which is pretty interesting. I've already read most of it. It's pretty small but I always taking a look at spells and charms written by other to spur ideas. And the charms and spells do appear pretty old school in tradition), The Enchanted Cat (this gives a whole background on cats folklore, cat deities, cats as familiars, magick you can work with your kitty, and so much more. This one makes me the most excited!), Travels Through Middle Earth: The Path of a Saxon Pagan (which gives a general idea of Germanic Pagan roots, Deities, Holy Days, and a lot of the special rites and things they do just in that special path. That's my new thing, to learn about the many different Pagan paths). So that's all I've got so far and I've spent no more than $3 a book! I'm so shop savvy. lol.
I've managed to get a bit further in my book, The Second Circle, but not much. Seeing as I've had so many other books coming in. ;) But so far she gives examples of where to find other books to further your Pagan education. Such as searching in the ancient civilizations and history sections, or checking out the folklore and fables/fairy tales of that region as well. She also gives studying tips and tricks and what not. Needless to say so far I've been a bit bored. I mean, so far she's giving really good information but honestly if you were a study queen in High school or went to college you know these things already. But it never hurts to hear them again I guess. Either way, it's till too early for a verdict.
Purple Bunny mentioned shopping at a bookstore and having books fall off the shelf or just grab at your attention while browsing the pagan section. And I must say that has happened to me quite often. That's actually how I picked up my very first book on Wicca. It just yelled at me, and I decided that since I didn't know what I was exactly looking for then why not. Best decision I've ever made. Oh! And that's also how I ended up with my tarot cards. I own 3 decks, but I only use one. One deck is my very first deck that I got when I was in still in middle school I believe, which was ok for learning the ropes but it wasn't a deck I connected with. And I have another deck that I own simply because it stared in a dream of mine, but as far as diving we do ok together. But my up most favorite deck that I use like crazy and can never replace found me on a bookstore shelf in the New Age section. I wasn't even looking for a tarot deck. I honestly had given up on really connecting to that form of divining. And bam, there it was. Needless to say it lighten my pocket a bit, but it was worth it. And now I go and look at these other really cool tarot decks and it would be nice to have a new pretty and creative deck, but I just can't feel a connection like I do with this one. So PurpleBunny, you are definitely not alone! I think everyone experiences a little "cosmic nudge" at least once in their life.
Speaking of comic nudges. Anyone ever have any strange dreams? Let me rephrase that, lol, anyone ever have any dreams that when you woke up left you thinking that it was some cryptic message? See usually my dreams are pretty mild and well, normal? I guess? Every now and then someone or something will pop in. But for the most part they are just ramblings of the subconscious. But last night I know I had the strangest dreams and I just can't remember all of them. Before I went to bed I realized I lost/misplaced something (I blame the fae) and I asked for help finding it. So I dreamt that I found them in the most obvious space and I went to return them to my mom and she was in a room with like 3 cats , 2 bunnies, 2 hamsters, and a rat. lol. I asked her, "where did these all come from?" and she said "I knocked over one of the statues and they just came running out." hahahaha. Odd right? from there I awoke thinking wtf? Normal response I'm sure. Later I settled back to sleep and the only thing I remember is my dog sitting very still and erect in front of my bed. You know how the dogs sit for dog shows? Very proud, chest out, and like they are waiting for something. Well that's her. And that's all I remember. Just her, just sitting there, and I believe the faint flicker of a candle light. And usually someone would say well maybe she was in my room for a visit. But nope. I have to keep my door shut or gated up so that the cat and dog don't interact (my cat is apparently very territorial in his old age). So I know it wasn't that. What a strange night of dreams. HHmmmmmm, well. I have much to ponder this morning, not to mention I have a long day filled with work and a function tonight. See ya!

Familiars and Totems

"Hand print, paw print,
padded foot and claw.
Gaia she speaks to me,
through silent glances,
or momentary shadows.
Almost as if to tell me,
'Wake up. It is time for your eyes to breathe.'
I clothe myself in the suns long arms
And intake the sweet wind.
I am listening now, my animal kin. "

~Rippled Water

I dream a lot. I always have, but recently it has seemed to be more vivid and memorable. I usually journal them somewhere like a scrap of paper or a word.doc on my laptop, but this week I have been less inspired to jot them down. I'm not sure why. The past two nights though the dreams have been a little out there so, I thought perhaps it is time I stop pussy-footing around.

Furball------->

He has the most amazing yellow eyes.

They flash green with a camera

My cat has gone blind recently. It's really taken a toll on him and me. He's been in the family for 19 years now (human years), and he has been by my side for all of them. Seeing him almost helpless and unsure of himself really bothers me. I mean it was only a few months ago we got a new dog and when we introduced them he gave her an introduction she will never forget. He's such a bully. But now he just wonders around, meows when he feels lost (which is more often than not), and sleeps all day. He feels most comfortable and doesn't meow so much when I am in the room with him. Last night I had a dream that he went "missing" for about 2 days. I kept asking my mom where he went and if she had seen him. She had told me, "I don't know, maybe he just ran away." After about 2 days of worrying I found out that he had died, and my mother had burried him in a pet cemetary under another name so that I wouldn't know. I was so angry with her and pissed off. Needless to say I did not wake happily.

<--sleep faceplant

It scares me that one day soon I'll wake up in the morning and he won't wake up with me. We've had a lot of pets in our family since I was a child but he's mine. I've always considered him my familar in sorts. We have a strange relationship and it's unexplainable. But he's defintely not just a family cat. That's forsure. We'll be taking him to the vet in a few weeks to have him checked out and see if there is anything that we can really do. I worry about scarring him now because we found out a few months ago that he has a heart memur. I hate doctors, they never tell you anything good. I've set up an altar for him though. I was given a Bast statue many years ago by one of my best freinds who knew my uncanny love for ancient Egypt. So I have set up a small altar with the statue and I light a candle everyday in hopes that it will help his sight. Maybe Bast will help him see what he cannot with his own eyes. Who knows.

I haven't any other familiars (although the squirrels and I are spending some time together, probably because I feed them. They eat out of my hands now). I do consider myself to have a few totem animals though. Well, kind of. Perhaps it is more like they have made an appearance in my life in a strange way that has never been done before. On Beltaine, I can in contact with Brother Hawk. I went to the local festival and took a walk in the forest surrounding the area. I decided to walk down to the lake and relax and just commune. Along the path I stopped to watch a lizard scurry by and above a HUGE shadow came swooping by. The hawk landed literally no more that 10-15 feet away from me in a near by tree branch. I looked up at him, he cocked me a glance and then went back to hunting the poor lizard. I snapped a few photos and walked carefully up to the tree to get closer. He just looked at me and ignored me. We stood together for a few good minutes before I decided to continue on my path to the water. I live in an area where we have a lot of falcon and predatory birds always soaring high. You can't miss them when your driving home from anywhere. I have lived here all my life, but I've never been able to come in contact with a wild one this close up before. Usually it's at the zoo or with handlers at the local pow wows. I could be over thinking things. It happens. But It feels different.

I also had a short and strange run in with Mother Bear a few weeks ago. I was driving down one of my favorite roads, not paying attention to much of anything besides the music and the car in front of me when out of the corner of my eye, up ahead on the side of the road at the tree line, I saw a shadow. I looked over and emerging from the wood was a giant black bear. Just sitting there with its front paws up on a fallen tree. It was just looking at the traffic go buy like it was either bored or scouting for something or someone. It was beautiful. Black bears are pretty populous in Virginia, but with all of my camping trips and expeditions to the mountains I have never seen one. But of course when I am about 15 minutes from my home one just decides to pop out for a visit. I turned around and tried to take a photo, I knew none of my friends and family would believe me, but by the time I got back (within a matter of seconds) it had already left and returned to the woods. It will be a month on the 30th now since it happened (yay for writing down these things in other journals!). It was definitely a highlight of my day, I couldn't stop smiling for some reason. Way too cool of an experience. I haven't given much thought to it lately, I've had other stresses on my mind. But the night before last, I dreamt of the bear. I dreamed that I was standing at our back door looking out into the yard and my garden like I usually do in the mornings. And off to the left in the shade of the apple and wild cherry tree the mother bear was walking around. She stopped and stared at me, almost mean like. I turned to the living room to tell my mom, when I noticed she was sitting in the recliner with her feet up and a big cub just sitting around her feet. I remember saying something to her, then turning to see the mother bear notice the cub and run toward the house. I turned to mom again, yelled something and the cub got up and began to run for the door to meet the mother. When the the cub exited the house I awoke.

I'm not sure what this all means. But recently my dream patterns have been a lot more different than what I am used to. I feel like they are evolving. Perhaps I'll be lucky enough to evolve with them. I feel like since I came back from spending time in Ghana I've been a lot closer to nature and the Earth. As well as my life being an incredible yin yang. Changing from chaos to order sporadically. But Mother Earth has definitely put herself in my face the past 11 months. I wish i had someone close by to help me decipher things. I also wish Gaia wasn't so mysterious and would just come on out with what she's trying to say. But it all happens in its own time I suppose.