Saturday, June 26, 2010

My Pagan Heart

"And through the mist and fog I heard it,
Guiding me, calling me forth and keeping me near.
It's drumming, keeping time with the wind,
allowed my feet to lift and move forward
in times of uncertainty and desperation.
It is my compass to life,
allowing me no need for a map or hand written journey.
I only need follow the drumming,
the sounding that has been here from the start.
I only need follow my Pagan heart."

~Rippled Water

MMmmmm, New blog? Why yes, yes it is. I'm not sure what spurred me to start this, but here I am. Here I plan to keep documentation of my life as a person, a woman, a college graduate, and a Pagan. So where do we go from here? How about I introduce myself and my path :D

Well, my name is Jessica I do have a preferred pen name of Rippled Water. There's a story behind that, but for now that will have to wait. I am in my early twenties and I have "officially" been on the Pagan path for almost 5 years now (unofficially I would say I have been Pagan from birth) for some reason I keep telling people 6 years without realizing it til later. It's been 6 years for something completely different and only slightly related. I must learn to keep my head straight :D . I'm an Eclectic Solitaire Witch and while I'm not particularly interested in coven or group work, I do love attending public rituals just to see how others do things and I am trying to become a part of my larger community of Pagans. I'm a book worm and it's easy for me to read up on how to do things and flip through pages and memorize magickal properties and what-nots but there is a difference in reading it and living it. Being able to be a part of my larger community keeps me feeling connected not only to the divine but to the world around me. It's nice to not feel alone and like your insane or a spiritual anomaly. I feel like everyone needs a support system in which they can turn and ask questions and seek knowledge of the wise ones who have walked the paths before. I am not a hereditary Pagan/Witch. I was raised Christian in many sorts. My father is Methodist and my mother is Baptist. I grew up reading the bible, going to church, participating in Sunday school and joining organizations like the Girl Scouts. I met a Christian evangelist/extremist ( I know there is a difference but I have yet to see it)a few years back and we had a discussion (actually it's a funny story and you should ask me about some time and how I beat him with a hug) and he asked me, with a dumbfounded look, if I was raised so Christian how did I "go astray." Well, there's a story to every path of life. I simply told him that it was an educated life choice I made. That I had done a lot of research and it just felt like this is what I was supposed to be. But honestly, coming to your path, it's not easily described. I've tried many times to put it into words for my family, friends, even myself and, honestly, words just don't sum up half of it all. But, if you're interested, here's my story in a very, very small nutshell.

I feel like everything in my life, from the moment I was born, has been preparing me for this path. Everything in my heart has guided me here. My grandfather would send me "rocks" when I was a baby. I'm about 2, what do I need things like giant chunks and clusters of amethyst, rose quartz, agate and others for? My parents put them in my rooms non-the-less. From the time I entered school and could check out library books I would read up on ancient civilizations, mystical and sacred sites, I was even a avid researcher in palmistry by the time I hit middle school(though I am terrible at it). I mean, what child does this? It could be common, but with my friends and family it was treated as if it weren't. I did a lot of my research in private and secrecy because of this. By the time the Internet became popular (Oh, AOL and your terrible dial-up connections) I was looking up the metaphysical and discovering so many more topics than I knew what to do with. After I finished schooling and when I headed to college I decided I wanted a label. I knew what I believed, I just didn't know where I belonged. I mean, obviously there were others out there like me, I had been reading about all this stuff for years! And I know label's aren't always important, and what IS important is knowing in your heart what you feel and believe, it's just that I was getting tired of being wishy-washy when people would ask me. So I narrowed my beliefs down to Buddhism and Paganism through some reading and research(yes, again with the reading and research. When I said book worm I meant more like a giant anaconda or some prehistoric giganto worm the size of a mountain). I kept leaning toward Wicca though. But I didn't want to accept it. I knew the stereotypes that went along with it, not to mention the tools in high school who gothed and vamped it up just to get attention (I know stereotyping, but I knew some of those people personally, and I'm allowed to at least make this statement based on them). One Christmas day, I was awakened in the middle of the night with what we will term an "encounter" for lack of a better word. And from that day on I have claimed the Wicca/Pagan path. Seriously, it was like something just decided yo say, "Look, you need to wake up and get on with it." Once I started claiming and practicing I realized that I didn't even have to go out and buy tools. Some how along my life journey I had already acquired an athame, a cauldron, statues, everything. Now I know in order to practice you don't need the material possessions, just you and some free time, but it was almost reaffirming my choice. Just like something was telling me, "Yes, this is exactly what your supposed to be doing. We've been waiting for you to realize this." So here I am, still walking the same path I have been on since birth. I've just learned to recognize my surroundings more and to follow my Pagan heart.
So that's me in a tiny nutshell. I hope to expand more as I continue to post. But for now, I don't think it's too bad of a first post for a newb.

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